Paying for it

My wife asked me the other day, “out of the blue”, if I had ever sought the services of a prostitute.  First off, I thought,  “Where do you come up with this stuff”…followed closely by “I’m sure this is some sort of trap.”

I asked her, “Why would I do that?” to which she answered, “Just because you were horny?”  Perfect, now I knew “how” she had come to think of the subject at hand.  I told her that, no I had never enlisted a prostitute’s services.  I wanted to know if she was thinking there must have been some time in my life where I was so desperate I would pay for sex OR if we were going to further discuss reasons why I MIGHT hire a hooker.

The truth is I might hire a professional in order to experience some specific sexual situation that would be too distasteful for my partner to participate in.  In other words I would pay for the opportunity to do something kinky that my wife wouldn’t.  Before all of you “do-gooders” get all up in arms over this keep in mind that I have only thought about it, not done it AND if thinking it is almost as bad as doing it, you had better quash that threesome fantasy you have about you, George Bush and Ellen Degeneres.

There are a few reasons that I have never actually gone so far as to “pay to play.”

•First and foremost I have this “slight” belief that I may accidentally one day encounter my fantasy in reality…without expectation and without pay.  I did say “slight”.  With my luck I will be in my 80′s and my fantasy girl will be 79 but it might come true.

•I am chicken.  I can generate a fantastic vision in my head and in theory it would knock my socks off, practically though, I might find a specific situation scary.  I as well would not want to be caught in any situation that would cause me and my family embarrassment.

•I would find handing over money for sex to be somewhat of a waste.  I can handle not living out my fantasies; handing over $250 for an hour (at least) for gratuitous acting out seems like I might get better value in buying 10 porno movies and taking the Palm sisters on a date every night for a month.

•I don’t have the time to pull it off without pressures of “real life”.  I truly don’t want to act out my biggest fantasy while holding a stopwatch in one hand.  That is not the way that I imagine it. When I was single I had the time…but not the money to burn.

•I know that some of the scenarios I can conjure up in my mind are probably not part of the original price and fall under optional (read expensive) extras.

•The biggest reason.  I think that I could pull it off AND I think that the derived high would be as fantastic as I can imagine…and then I would want to do it again…and again.  Historically, I have had addictive instincts in my personality.

So for now and most likely forever I shall keep my fantasies in my head, shall not act them out and if I want to waste money I will buy my sweetheart a new $400 leather coat knowing full well that in exchange I shall receive her “admiration”.  Am I lucky or what?