I have been thinking more often lately about the possibility of having an additional person(s) join my wife and I in the bedroom.
Thinking…not actively pursuing the idea.
This in itself is quite a contrast to my thinking in the past. The thought of involving anyone in this highly intimate situation would be completely unpalatable.
From what I can see the idea of expanding one’s sexual horizons seems to be far more common among people my age, based on the number of couples on dating sites that are looking for other couples. I used to think that this age group, having been in many cases married for 20 years or more were just looking for an unorthodox way to spice up their sex life. In my case however I have been with my wife for a little more than five years.
I wondered in the past how people who were “in love” could possibly share their significant other…with another. These days I am thinking that this phenomenon is due to maturity in thought in regards to relationships, love and sex…as opposed to boredom in the bedroom. Insecurities, jealousy, fears and anxiety are far less of an issue for a person in their 40’s and 50’s than it is for that same person in their 20’s. I find that the openness between my wife and I in regards to all things sexual is far greater than what I have experienced in the past.
It is my desire to experience the “ultimate” in sexual pleasure that got me thinking more about the possibility of swinging (or some derivative thereof). There are certain aspects of this sexual high that are impossible to achieve with only two persons. So without further adieu I present my reasons for thinking the unthinkable.
- The way that I view pornography.
Viewing pornography is voyeuristic, that is to say that the sexual arousal and tension that porn provides is visual and third-party. What excites me is watching others having sex, most often the positions portrayed. I could watch a pornographic portrayal and suggest to my wife that we try “that”. We could mimic the same actions as in the movie and not have the same results. The reason being is that the “act” could provide the physical stimulation but not the visual. The only way to obtain visual arousal from specific angles is to watch, so in this case I would have to be an observer, watching my wife having sex with someone else.
- My wife’s open sexual attitude in regards to fantasy.
I was using a toy (vibrator) on my wife while performing oral sex. During this she said, “Oh Robert…fuck me while he licks me.”
What was unusual about this was:
Robert was a past co-worker that my wife admitted having a crush on
Whatever her thought process was definitely required two people to accomplish
It was like a turbo-charger for MY excitement
- Psychological abuse for me.
The common term is cuckolding which is basically having the husband humiliated by having to watch his wife willingly have sex with another man. Also typically the lover will be better looking, better endowed and have greater love-making skill than the “lesser” husband. My thoughts on this particular “fantasy” bring about two different emotional responses, on that is highly sexually exciting while the other side is depressing. I feel that it is this hot/cold response all in one that makes this appealing.
- The way that my wife views pornography.
My wife has told me point-blank that she has no sexual interest in women…and I have stated the same regarding my interest in men. She did ask me one day if we might rent a hardcore gay porn movie so that she could see how guys did it. I watched 30 seconds and she watched a minute. So based on what I saw, not only am I not interested in men, I find gay porn to be a turn-off.
When WE go to rent a movie however, she almost always picks movies that involve multiple partners and some sort of “girl on girl” situation. She may have no interest in woman in “real” life but when it comes to fantasy…I feel that she looks at it in a different way than I do.
- My open sexual attitude in regards to fantasy.
I wrote another post in regards to my fantasizing during sex and one aspect of that fantasy was my imagining my wife as a “slut”. If there was a situation where I could watch my wife having sex with another man…I could attach a real visual aspect to my fantasy. Not only could I pretend she was a slut…she WOULD be.
My wife and I have never had a direct conversation regarding swinging or the addition of an extra person(s) into our sex life. There have been the odd “What if” questions asked and both of us have admitted that beyond fantasy…it would not be realistic. So there is really no reason for me to think anything further on the subject, no means no right? There are still things that come up on enough of a regular basis to make me wonder:
My wife asked me the other day if there was any toy that could simulate sucking (on her nipples) while I was performing oral on her.
The last video my wife rented was “Mom and I are fucking the babysitter” Once again a movie where the sex acts involve the addition of another person into the couple’s bedroom…and a bi-sexual young woman at that.
Yesterday she asked if there were some sort of “tongue-toy” that would simulate cunnilingus during intercourse. I said I felt that would require another person but it probably wouldn’t be too hard to find a willing man. She replied, wouldn’t you rather see a woman with me?
I don’t know if we will ever invite another person, male or female, or couple into the bedroom with us…and it is not something I have high-hopes for. All I know is this particular scenario is one that I found absolutely disgusting in the past and definitely wouldn’t allow myself to think about, whereas today it provides a considerable amount of excitement.
That being said, who knows…maybe in the future it will be me uttering, “Oh Robert…”
Eww..yuck! but I know better now…never to say never.