Yesterday I wrote a post regarding the possibility of having another or others joining us in the bedroom. When I was writing that post I was thinking about the positives regarding threesomes or more-somes. Today I was thinking about the downside of “watering down” the intimacy that my wife and I share.
The biggest fears I harbor when it comes to my wife having sex with another man, and I am sure it would be the same with her in retrospect, is (possible) anxiety and (possible) jealousy.
I feel that a significant other will want to be the best possible lover…that they can be. Positions, rhythm, technique…are aspects that CAN be adjusted (within reason) to suit a partner.
What happens when a lover possesses some positive attribute(s) that the significant other cannot compete with? My biggest fear would be that she might find a lover to be so much better than me in ways that I would not be able to compensate for. Two things that come to mind would be physical characteristics and physical ability…in other words, penis size and endurance.
Much in the some women are concerned with the visual appearance, scent and elasticity of their vagina, I have dealt with some concern regarding penis size.
When I was younger I spent an inordinate amount of time worrying about my “shortcomings”. I don’t think that my exposure to my father’s “Letters to Penthouse” helped in any way either. Every letter in there started off with….
“Dear Penthouse, I am 20 years old and have an 11” penis…when limp…” You could switch 11” with 10”,12” or 13”, but I NEVER saw a guy with a 6” penis writing a letter to Penthouse.
The truth was, when it came my time to have a sex life…I never heard any complaints, any giggles, any comments at all regarding my personal endowment…until one day.
I had a new girlfriend and we had started having sex. A couple of weeks went by and she got a phone call, while I was there. I didn’t really listen to her conversation but she did seem happy to be talking with the person on the opposite end. When she hung up she explained that she was talking to an ex-boyfriend. She went on to say that if he ever came to town, “please don’t take offense”, but she would have to meet him to have sex with him. “He was the best lover I have ever had”…“ He had a huge cock that just felt soooo wonderful inside me…I’m sure he was at least 10” long”
Me…”um, ah, well, but, er, um, huh…..WTF!!!!
What the hell was that?
That REALLY made me wonder and set off a renewed round of anxiety. It was not so much that this past boyfriend was better endowed, rather that she felt the need to tell me, and there was nothing I could possibly do to improve my odds. There is a certain amount of competition, although typically unsaid, that goes along with sex. I want to be the best lover I can be….no actually I want to be the BEST lover period. If I am not, I want to improve. If the route to being the best lover requires the impossible…I don’t want to hear it. That is the truth. I don’t want to hear it. I want you to lie to me…or even better don’t say a word. If you want me to move this way…or that way…lick you here…or there….no problem…but if wish that I had a bigger dick…keep that one to yourself!
I want to live the rest of my life thinking that my penis is “just the right size” and that my use of said penis is fulfilling.
So asking another man to have sex with my wife could be asking for “big” trouble. I would certainly enjoy the visual, and the greater his endowment, the better…but if she found the overall experience to be more physically enjoyable….I would have to take (at least) second place from then on…and not so sure that is a position that I would be comfortable with.