Better than apple pie!

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“9 out of 10 guys admit to doing it and the tenth one is a liar.”

The history of masturbation contains many bizarre and hard to believe moments of misinformation. Whether it causes blindness, insanity, acne, or hair growth, masturbation has been both the most reviled and most commonly practiced sexual behaviour on the planet.

To this day many of us are raised believing certain myths about masturbation. In fact, masturbation is a life long sexual activity. Surveys regularly show that anywhere from 70 to 95% of adult men and women masturbate. And while this may slow down as we age, many of them continue masturbating into our golden years.

Masturbation refers to sexual stimulation, especially of one’s own genitals (self masturbation) and often to the point of orgasm, which is performed manually, by other types of bodily contact (except for sexual intercourse), by use of objects or tools, or by some combination of these methods.

This is one area that I can claim to have expertise in. I know what you are thinking…poor guy! I started when I was 12 years old and didn’t stop until I met my future wife. I then started again in earnest about a week after we married.
This was always an area of concern among my peers as a teenager. Nobody admitted to it, no one talked about it so I felt bad that I was so proficient at it. I actually liked the fact that no one else did it. That way they wouldn’t suspect me thinking of their sister, hell yes, even their mother in “that way”.

As with anything sexually related, after time the same old becomes somewhat routine. A person with a bit of imagination can dream up all sorts of ways to add something to the equation to increase the overall enjoyment. One thing that I had always thought, but never tried, was warm liver. Every time I went shopping I looked at the packages of liver with the cellophane wrapped tightly against the smooth, glistening, swollen meat…and my mind wandered. I don’t know about you, but liver seems like the obvious substitute for real pussy. Forget warm apple pie..not only is it potentially dangerous…it is a waste of a great pie. My brother used a freshly baked pie that mom baked once…I beat him up for it. Liver on the other hand was something that no one should have a desire to eat…ever. That being said if real pussy actually tasted like liver…I would never venture there…well unless of course it had a heap of fried onions on top hiding the stench.

Anyways, as much as this idea appealed to me, I never tried it. Maybe because I didn’t know how I would get some for my experiment. My mom knew that I hated it, If I asked her to buy some, she would surely think I had changed her mind and cook it up for me. Once cooked it really did not retain the same visually enticement for me.

I went to the grocery store once by myself and picked up a package. When I got to the cashier I remember her asking me, “You actually eat this stuff?” . I think I paused too long..her inquisitive look turned into a smirk…then a smile and I knew…that she knew. I could imagine her imagination working overtime as she conjured up a vision of me standing over the toilet defiling a piece of warm liver. I ran from the store…and never went shopping for groceries there again.

So as I was writing in this blog, my fond memories of those sick, perverted thoughts came back to me and I wondered if anyone out there had actually tried what I only thought of. I googled every possible description that I could that might related to my obscure, yet creative method. I was hoping that with a new era of sexual openness I would read, “9 out of 10 guys admit to abusing a piece of raw liver and the tenth one is a liar.” but I did not. It seems that in this big world I might be the only one that ever dared to think of something so disgusting. Maybe I will just keep it to myself.

More to come… so to speak…

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