Try before you buy….Lease your next girlfriend!

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Marrying or not marrying to me is a question similar to when it comes to a car, should you lease or buy?
If there was the opportunity to make a clean break when the “time was right” and the two of you just shake hands and drive off into the sunset in separate U-Haul vans…I would most likely “rent”  for a set time period rather than “own” a partner.

I think it makes sense for almost every type of man to lease his girlfriend. Particularly the cost conscious man who wants lower monthly payments but still wants to drive a nice model, or the man who likes to drive a new model every couple of years. It makes much more sense and is much more economical to lease rather than going through the hassle of marriage and divorce. While every model deprecates over time, the concept of building equity in marriage has lost its validity. In today’s market there is a far greater value in only paying for what you use.

Leasing a partner would entail and have the benefits of the following:

Variable yet specific terms.  Anywhere from 24-72 months decided up front.  There would typically be a financial  premium for a shorter term as the short-term lease would be primarily for pleasure lessees, those not interested in  any long-distance destination.  Pleasure lessees typically drive hard and exert greater wear and tear in a shorter period of time than the long-term user and this extra wear is compensated for in additional dollars per month.  This is commonly known as “paying to play.”

There is a down-payment required.  This deposit would vary depending on the overall value of the model that was to  be leased and the creditworthiness of the lessee.  It is typical that the lessee will pick out a model that is beyond  his financial ability and will have to settle for a cheaper, possibly used model. Typically a greater up-front investment will lower the monthly lease rate and could significantly reduce the residual “buy-back” should you wish to purchase the model at the end of the lease term.

It is generally assumed that there will be no major mechanical failures in the relationship over the term, however  should something happen in this respect, it will be the liability of the lessee to ensure that the leased model be  repaired to her original condition prior to the terminus of the lease term. The wear of certain parts is considered  normal, (certain seals, gaskets and bearings) however excessive wear will be charged back to the lessee at the end of the term.

It might be assumed that leasing a “previously-enjoyed” model would equate to a lesser monthly payment when in  fact the opposite is true.  A “used” model actually costs more than a new one because their overall usability factor  has decreased. She will have more wear and tear and higher miles which devalues her accordingly.  If someone is  willing to pick up where the previous owner left off, he can expect to pay a premium because when he is finished driving her she will have little or no residual value.

Proper lubrication must be performed on a regular basis. This is important!  There is a disturbing trend where lessees  are blaming premature relationship failure on the model’s lack of cooperation with proper lubrication.  Whereas it is not  suggested, there are many “after-market” places eager to lubricate your model should the lessee have difficulty in  doing so. It is also important to ensure that all fluids are topped up on a regular basis, once again this can be done by others if the lessee lacks the technical skill required to attend to anything related to the model’s fluids.

All belts, hoseries, rubbers, batteries, lubrication and fuel are an integral part of the overall enjoyment of the model.   It should be noted that all of the above are considered wear items and will have to be replaced regularly at the  lessee’s expense during the course of the lease term.

In general regular maintenance will keep your model running smoothly and reduce excessive grinding and pinging, which is sometimes referred to as the model’s bitching and whining. A recommended maintenance schedule, including suggestions as to where to take your model to shop, where to go to dinner and on holidays is provided with every model.

Having a set term allows the lessee a specific time period to enjoy his model. If by chance he wishes to terminate  the lease before the end of the term, specific penalties would apply.  This includes but may not be limited to  excessive wear charges, overuse charges, depreciation charges.  Typically if the lessee decides to turn the model  over to a new owner he will be financially responsible for all payments outstanding for the balance of the lease, even  though someone else is driving his model.

Should you decide to purchase your model after the set lease term you will be responsible for paying the residual value of the model.  This is the outstanding value of the model at the end of the lease term.  Simply pay this amount and the model is yours.  Please keep in mind that marriage licenses, emissions testing and routine maintenance are not included in the one time cash payout.

There is basically not a lot of difference between your obligations when leasing or buying.  The model is your responsibility regardless.  The main difference is that lessees have a pre-set end to the relationship and far lower monthly payments than a buyer.  The buyer has the knowledge that he “owns” his model and will have her indefinitely, known commonly as the “til death do us part” clause in the “offer to purchase.” Although the buyer pays a higher monthly payment, he will eventually stop paying once the model has been paid for…or so he wishes. Ha!

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