I was thinking last night about how my past relationships have negatively affected my sexual openness.
When my wife and I were in Chicago, we stayed at the Crowne Plaza downtown for two nights. On the second night the couple in the next room came in around 3 in the morning. Based on the volume of their conversation, they had been drinking. Guess what they did next?
For the next hour (isn’t drunken sex great?) they proceeded to do “it”. There was no squeaky bed or headboard banging against the wall; what there was…an exaggerated moan from her every 2 seconds.
Ms. Sharing (http://sharingourconnection.wordpress.com/) you weren’t in Chicago that evening by any chance?
It got me thinking about how my sexual creativity has been met in the past, how it affected me then and how it still does today. I am writing this because I wonder how many others out there have had similar experiences and have reacted (even to this day) in a similar way.
Yesterday I was reading a post regarding a woman’s rape fantasy….contrasted against my sex life with my first wife. The reality of said sex life was that anything that wasn’t purely vanilla was considered to be perverted and unacceptable to her. I think that most people when experimenting with sex like to try or attempt to try “new” things. With my ex…everything that was outside of plain missionary position sex was met with an immediate and over-the-top rebuttal.
Talking dirty = disgusting
Sex outside the bedroom = disgusting
Doggystyle = disgusting
Anal sex = disgusting
Handcuffs = disgusting
Sex toys = disgusting
Porn = disgusting
Everything that I can remember suggesting or even eluding to was “disgusting” and I was called a pervert. The truth is that some of what I had imagined would be disgusting to some of the readers of this post as well…I can accept that…but her determination to resist anything out of HER norm was disturbing.
I had not had a lot of sexual experience before living with my first wife so I started to believe that this was in fact the way that women acted…and in fact I WAS perverted and might be better hiding my thoughts from her. The truth is I had no way to know…there was little conversation between men about their sex lives and there were no blogs to peruse.
In future relationships I had been “trained” so to speak to not bring up anything that I had been chastised for before. Some of my girlfriends actually asked me to stop being a gentleman in the bedroom…I was THAT vanilla. What happened was I was always looking for a green-light to proceed with anything “non-vanilla” which certainly flies in the face of a “take-charge” male. Over time I tried to be more direct and just went with what I was thinking and still I was rejected in some cases.
I actually had one woman get mad at me…REALLY mad… because I said she was a “Naughty Girl”. Can you imagine if I told her how her hot, wet XXXX felt? A guy just never knows the limits…
My point in this is it is often stated that women like a man to take charge in the bedroom, they want someone that is creative and they want sex to be fun. Constant overly negative rejection of his ideas can lead to the opposite of what you ultimately desire.
What it comes down to is communication. I had read this a million times in regards to relationships AND sex but it really meant nothing to me until my present relationship. My current wife is the only woman I have been involved with that “gets it”. My “suggestions” have never been met with outright negativity and in many cases she has taken what I started and expanded upon it.