Although we all would love to find and hold on to Mr. or Ms. Right (our ideal of perfect), the truth is we typically settle for someone that is “good enough”. I don’t know anyone that feels that they are in a relationship with someone that they deem perfect (unless they are still in the honeymoon stage and that period of temporary insanity doesn’t count). The truth is that most people are still looking for their ideal OR they are with someone that they settled with.
I want to make it clear, when I say “good enough” I don’t mean picking up the table scraps of humanity as there is no other choice. I am saying that in a “perfect world” I would like a Filet Mignon but Prime Rib is good enough. If I had to “settle” for McDonald’s hamburgers every night I would remain single indefinitely.
Having a relationship with someone that is “good enough” makes complete sense to me. Perfection is a fallacy when it comes to people and because people change and the relationships that bind them are fluid, even “supposed” perfection is impossible.
At the heart of the “good enough” argument is that too many of us have been brainwashed into a “fairy tales and fireworks” view of romance that lacks long-term stability. Marrying Mr. Good Enough is a viable option, especially if the goal is to land a reliable life partner.
If on the other hand you want to be with somebody specific and you’re holding out, you may end up with nothing. If I waited for exactly the person that I wanted, I am sure that I would still be spending my spare time writing dating profiles in the hope that I might meet the girl of my dreams.
I don’t think on the whole that I am much different than most people in modern society, we are always going for much more than we actually need. We’re expecting too much from a relationship. I think realizing this is as ‘good as it gets’ and that life isn’t ‘once-upon-a-time’ is important to building a life together.
I have met other women that had specific individual attributes that reached or exceeded my ideals but didn’t come close in others. One woman was incredibly attractive, better than I could have imagined, but she truly was a “Barbie Doll” complete with a hollow plastic head…not a lot going on between the eyes. Fun to look at but I would go crazy if I had to live with her.
I am with someone now that I felt I could build something with, but regardless of the attraction, it wasn’t puppy love. I actually treated it like a business decision, as cold or callous as that might sound. I didn’t feel I had time to make mistakes.
The woman I am with shares with me a high level of compatibility in social lifestyle, similar styles in living and similar ways of “operating”.
There is adequate sexual attraction and chemistry. Neither of us is model material but there is more than enough personal intimate “spark” to make things work well in between the sheets.
We share similar goals, shared passions, the same outlook on financial matters and equality in views as to how children should be raised.
I respect and trust her judgement and her social demeanor. I admire her for handling what she has been through in life so well.
I am with someone that is “good enough” for me, for our blended family and our life ahead. What my partner lacks is depth, philosophical opinion, creativity in thought and an open mind (on the level that I would like to see). She is intelligent yet simple in that she accepts life around her as she sees it with her eyes alone, whereas I need to “see” various aspects with my mind. This is definitely not a deal-breaker but I would have to say that I am still “open” to forming some sort of a connection with another that “thinks” like I do.
Then a viable person comes along and asks me, “Where were you when I was looking?” I have already determined that the woman asking this is deep-thinking, somewhat philosophical, creative, open-minded and intelligent.