You did what with whom?


Before I started dating my wife she tried to set me up with a few of her friends.  At that time she was married and I was “dating” a married woman.  Dating the married woman was a calculated decision and kept me safe (in my opinion) from falling for yet another less-than-desirable (something that I seemed to have a habit of doing).

I rejected every single woman that my future-wife picked for me.  Not because I didn’t find them attractive but I was at a stage where I really was tired of the “game” of dating.  Tired of having to spend so much time, effort and money only to find that I had got set up with another Ms. Wrong.

I remember on a few occasions when she suggested another of her friends, thinking to myself, “If your friend was exactly like you…I’d jump at the chance”.  Beyond that I never gave it a second thought, being that she was married.

Today, seven years later WE are married and I can look back at what was and be thankful I waited for the “right” one.

The purpose of this post is to look at how another’s past sexual experiences COULD have a negative effect on the way that they are looked at….let’s be honest…judged.

My current wife was married to one of the most unappealing, both in looks and conduct, men I have ever met.  It was one of those situations where you look at them as a couple and think…”What the hell was she thinking?”  The truth is we don’t know (and it is none of our business) why certain people get together.  In this case they were married so I always figure in these cases that he/she must have one hell of a great personality!

I went to a party over the Holidays and ran into two of the friends that my wife had once tried to set me up with.  Both are younger than my wife (mid 30’s), have no children and are attractive.  One was with a man, by “with” I mean they were hugging, kissing and making out.  By my conservative estimates I would put the guy in his late 70’s and he looked like he slept in his clothes. Disgusting was all I could think.

The other woman was with a guy that was wearing about 50 pounds of gold chains, had his shirt undone to his belt, wore his pants under his buttocks and just in general looked like a very immature “dude”. These two also carried on in a fashion that reminded me of 13 year olds the first time they are out of their parent’s sight.

I asked my wife if these two women were “involved” with these guys…to which she responded, “no, they are just having fun…dating”


This is where I personally question the thought process of the women…especially since my wife tried to set me up with them in the past.  I never did date them…so it doesn’t matter but it still gives me a gagging feeling just thinking about it.

If I am going to date a woman that has been “dating” other guys I would hope that she has had some standards as to who she was sleeping with….and if not I don’t want to know about it.

When someone marries another that may not be on an “equal” level I can assume that they married for more than just looks (actually I would hope so) so I can understand.  When it is about sex only, the lower the quality of her previous lover (s), the less apt I am to want to have a relationship with her.

The idea of sticking my tongue in a place that has been frequented by a guy older than my dad or by someone who looks like a poster child for drug abuse…just turns me off.

Just another reason I really don’t want to know of my lover’s sexual history.

3 comments on “You did what with whom?”

  1. LOL Well, it’s not exactly a turn on when you find out that a guy has been with a really unattractive woman before either. I was seeing this guy (having an affair with him) and found out he was also sleeping with a very overweight, unattractive woman and was just like WTF? LOL It made me not so sure I wanted to kiss him again. I got over it, eventually, but the thought still kind of ooks me out.

  2. It never fails to amaze me how someone’s sexual history can cause a whole lot of issues! What difference does it make if he or she bedded someone in the past who looked like death warmed over; for one, it’s the past – you can’t change it and, for the other, unless it’s a question of being healthy, it’s not like having had an ugly lover rubs off on people and then they wake up the next morning uglier than sin – and then you’re gonna get infected by ugly, too.

    So, if they slept with ugly or whatever, just how does that affect you and more so since you’re with them now? And then, why should it matter if you really don’t want to know why they were sleeping with Bozo the Clown or Olive Oyl?

  3. It is one person’s perception of another’s past sexual history that can cause problems. I dated an ex-prostitute for a while. It was a FWB situation and her past sexual history didn’t bother me…at some times it excited me. I am sure that during her time working that she had sex with men or women that were not attractive (in many ways). If I was interested in pursuing a romantic/long term relationship with her…it would matter….to me. The reason would be I would question her overall level of common-sense, where her values lay, how low she would put the bar…and why. Should I?…no Would I?…yes

    I went with a woman that I was involved with (living with) to a bar that she used to frequent. She started pointing out the regulars that she had one night stands with in the past. Some of these guys were unkempt, dirty drunks (the best way I can put it). It just made me wonder how she saw me…where did I fit in to her range of standards. Did she see me as the same level as these guys? Did she really think so little of herself to sleep with him…or him? Could she really have been that drunk? That horny? That desperate?

    The truth is..It made me think…too much…about her overall level of standards. I would rather not know…or at least not have to think about it.

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