Murphy’s Law for Relationships

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  • All the good ones are taken. If the person isn’t taken, there’s a good reason.
  • The nicer someone is, the farther away they are from you.
  • The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
  • The best things in the world are free and worth every penny of it.
  • Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
  • Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
  • Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.
  • When a man’s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
  • The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later.
  • Sex is only dirty if it’s done right.
  • Sow your wild oats on Saturday night — Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
  • Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.
  • Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
  • Thou shall not commit adultery…..unless in the mood.
  • Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
  • A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man never forgets the women he couldn’t have.
  • Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
  • Love is the delusion that makes a woman believe that one man differs from another.
  • An ex-wife/husband will always be “till death do us part”.
  • It’s always easier to get a partner if you already have one.
  • If a man speaks aloud deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him is he still wrong?
  • The less attractive a girl the closer she lives.
  • If you’re having difficulty choosing between two potential girls, you’ll always pick the wrong one.
  • If it seems perfect today, tomorrow it will end.
  • Never make love in your back yard. Love is blind, but not your neighbors.
  • When she says: “Don’t buy me anything expensive” and you listen, expect to be single.
  • Beside every beautiful woman is a bored-to-tears guy who only months earlier would have killed to be in that spot.
  • If you marry a beautiful girl she’ll turn into her mother.
  • Any good looking person you see that isn’t alone will be accompanied by a person of the opposite sex who doesn’t deserve to be with them.
  • The length of a relationship is directly related to how much you are attracted to your significant other’s best friend.
  • Beauty is directly proportional to the number of drinks consumed.
  • Not everything takes longer than you expect.
  • It’s only kinky the first time you do it.
  • The love of your life will only want you back once you are in another serious relationship.
  • If you think a girl is beautiful, her boyfriend will always be there to confirm it.
  • You never truly know a significant other until you meet her in a court.
  • Being told that someone doesn’t want to date you because you’re such a good friend is like being told that you didn’t get the job because you’re overqualified.
  • You don’t fall in love, you fall in a hole. The depth of the hole is proportionate to how oblivious you are of the fall.

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