Being a strong woman doesn’t make you a bitch.


Being a bitch does…

I had a saleswoman in my office yesterday and we were talking a bit about life.  She told me that she had broken up with her fiancé before Christmas but was starting to get “back on her feet”.  She went on to say that he had left her because he couldn’t handle a “strong woman” like her.


This particular statement always touches a nerve with me because my ex was always saying that I couldn’t handle a strong woman like her.  The reality was that I didn’t see her as strong, I saw her as a bitch.  She was right about one thing though…I couldn’t handle stand her.

This is another area in male/female communication that I feel should be addressed.  There seems to be a big difference in opinion as to what a “strong” woman means and how the sexes view said strength.

I stated yesterday in a post that some of the attributes I find attractive within a woman are intelligence, independence, creativity and the ability to be self-challenging.  Keep in mind that this is MY opinion but a woman who possesses those traits….is to me…strong. So you could say that I would prefer a relationship with a strong, independent and intelligent woman.

I was reading an article about strong women and the author stated that “a strong woman is often opinionated and completely self-sufficient.” This is where the problem comes in for me.  With my ex, everything was a debate fight.  She seemingly had to question everything I did, the way that I did it and why I did it.  I didn’t mind her input…I minded that I was expected to ALWAYS follow what she felt was right…in other words HER way.  The way in which she presented her was never subtle either; it was always direct and seemingly without care regarding my feelings (or anyone else’s).  In retrospect I try to be tactful when presenting my ideas, especially if the other’s feelings might be slighted in the process.

Ultimately I don’t see a situation where one or both partners always have to be right, never care about the other’s thoughts or feelings, always wanting to do whatever they wish independently of the other…as being a relationship at all.

In my case since I typically gave in to get at least some resolution to a never-ending debate, and tried to avoid conflict, and used tact and took her feelings into consideration…was the weaker one.  A label that I never felt was necessary and I really despised.  I ultimately felt bullied, emotionally and sexually neglected and in the big picture…unnecessary.  There was no love, no respect, no romance, and no sex.

I really didn’t see any reason to be in a relationship with this woman other than to share bills, share parenting and I guess I made a nice doormat.

I would rather have a strong woman than a weak-willed one (strength being the attributes I mentioned at the beginning of this post) and here, but also one with a need and desire to love and be loved.

Is that too much to ask?

3 comments on “Being a strong woman doesn’t make you a bitch.”

  1. A GF of mine once called herself a bitch and I didn’t get it: she said it as though it was a good thing (yeah im a bitch so what?), I looked at it like a bad thing. I haven’t been called a bitch, to my face, nor would I call myself one as if it were a badge of honour – generally I find domineering, overbearing people to be bitches, even men.

    Maybe this word is being reclaimed like slut or whore – as good personality traits? I dont know but it’s like porn to me, I know it when I see it.

    1. Reading your reply it made me think. Like yourself, I have heard other women call themselves a bitch. The context was justifying their actions in a situation were they dominated a situation to the point where they other person felt bad about themselves and it seemed as though they were classifying their action as a bitch as a way to justify / rationalize their action.

      Unlike the word slut, whose dictionary definition, can be interpreted as either a good thing or a bad thing. Bitch has a very specific meaning that is positive but it gets used as a negative. I do not know if it is being reclaimed due to its specific meaning. Instead I feel, at the moment, it is being used to justify behavior that is unacceptable by society’s norms. Until society sees such behavior as positive, I feel, bitch will have a negative meaning.

      1. Bitch Manifesto was in 1968 – so I think there has always been a feminist element to reclaiming the word – which must be hard to do when not everyone agrees with it. You’re right however, the more I think about it the more I have seen people use it as a personality trait to justify their actions. Cheers!

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