Plentyoffish Glossary

If anyone is getting tired of my picking on dating site profiles I’m sorry…but I just can’t help myself.  Every time I read another cliché I laugh aloud.  It makes it even more fun if I try to imagine what the writer was really thinking when they typed those words.  Without further delay I present my ongoing:
Glossary of words used on Dating Sites

As written by Women:

Baggage – I can’t deal with human beings
Curvy – Grossly overweight
Drama-free – I’m still bitter and involved with the last guy that got me pregnant
Love-to-laugh – I’m boring as hell so hopefully you can make it entertaining
Looking – *****SPAM*****
Must love – *****SPAM*****
Partner in crime – I am as clever and as interesting as a brick
Seeking – *****SPAM*****
Sensual – Easy
Something real – *****SPAM*****
Treat me – Woman with undeserved sense of entitlement
No picture – Grossly overweight
Picture of sunset, flowers, cocktail, eyes – Ugly
Three sentence post of superficial crap with picture of cute or hot woman – *****SPAM*****
Not looking for sex – Will blow you if you drive a Mercedes
Must love dogs – Not the legged variety

As written by Men:

See what happens – I’m hoping for at least a fingerbang
Down to earth – Boring
Sincere – Needy
Romantic – Needy
Drama-free – I need a vagina that won`t bother me after I`m done with it
No picture – Married…and ugly
Picture of anything other than a person – I will give you an STD
Love to eat pussy – I want a blowjob
Spoil you – Hope that you’re into watersports
Let’s chat – My other hand is on my erection
Love movies, art, dancing – *****SPAM*****
Experienced – One or two date rape convictions
Walk on the beach – Ugly as sin
Friends first – Expects sex on the first date
Humorous – You had better have a sense of humor when you see me
D&D Free – Meaning free weed upfront and an STD if we get that far
Cock Pic – Ugly as sin