Hi Mom!

Hi Mom!

I want to apologize for not calling you as often as I used to.  The problem is the shift in our lifestyles over the past few years.  More to the point…I have a life…and you apparently do not.  Actually it’s not so much your lifestyle that gets to me, it’s our differences when it comes to urgency and the words used to express said urgency that is getting me down.  I’m not blaming you; it is an inevitable part of life.

So I am sorry that I don’t call you three times a week like I used to but every time I got you on the phone, something would come up.  One time the kids spilled an entire bowl of cereal on the floor AND let the neighbors dogs in to eat it up, the next time they walked out the door and left the door wide open…with a Blizzard outside…and the last time my wife was calling me from the basement about the washing machine.  By the time I finally got down there the washing machine motor had burned out!

I want you to understand mom, It’s not you…it’s the stress of not getting off the phone in time that has caused me to make this hard decision.  I will only call you once a week and only when I can be assured of not being interrupted by my life.  So I will be calling you Tuesday mornings at 2:15 AM

The last time I called you on a Wednesday night; Jimmy had stuffed an entire roll of toilet paper into the bowl and proceeded to flush it repeatedly.  As much as it was great to hear him exclaim with glee how much the overflowing bowl looked like the whirlpool at the Holiday Inn we stayed at last year…I knew it was going to be a problem.  You’re hard to cut off when you are on a roll and for some reason you don’t quite catch the urgency in my voice when “I said I have to go now!”  I would have thought the panic in my voice when I blurted out, “Fuck, it’s coming through the ceiling!” might have phased you but you didn’t miss a beat telling me how the eggs that you had for breakfast could have been a “little less over easy.” And no I didn’t swear…I said a truck was coming through the ceiling!!
I’m getting good at juggling the phone while strategically placing buckets to try to save the hardwood…so you just keep on talking…

“Mom, have to get going the water is in the basement now!”

I am enthralled at the fact that Dad has cut back on his Metamucil.
I am so happy to hear that you moved the sofa back to the same position that it was last week….and the week before.

“Mom the kids are water sliding down the stairs!”

I am so excited that you dropped six grand on new curtains for an apartment you will most likely live in for one year.
I am sorry to hear that the snowstorm made it hard for driving half a mile so that you could sit and have coffee for 4 hours with the other ladies.  Yes I know that my usual half hour commute into work in a city of 4 million that turned into 3 hours pales in comparison to your frustration because “I drive that stupid SUV”

“Mom, the ceiling just fell down on my head!”

I am happy to hear that you might come up to spend a weekend with us…after winter.
Yes, I’m still trying to fix up this silly old house…never seems to be an end to the fixing…GRRRR
Yes, we’re watching our money.
Yes, still working…every day (trying to save money to buy some curtains at Walmart)
Yes, the kids are fine…although right now soaking wet!
Yes, we will be careful driving to work tomorrow.
No, I didn’t hear about Aunt Pat’s ovarian cyst…and…Can we maybe wait till next time?

What am I doing this weekend?  Putting up a new ceiling in the kitchen.  I know..I know I always seem to be thinking up make-work projects.  I know…a waste of money.  I know I should spend more time with the kids!!!

Love you too mom!  Talk to you next Tuesday!

Bye