How to write an online dating ad

This is a guide on how to write an award winning personal ad… I hope it helps.

1. Always start your ad out with a 2 sentence rant full of hate and cussing about how you got your last ad flagged, and then tell everyone what a nice, caring, understanding person you are.

2. Always include the word  “ NOW” in the title and at the end of your ad to show everyone that you need sex right this minute and how they should drop what they are doing to come meet a stranger for NSA sex.

3. Never and I mean never travel, always demand that you be the host, and that they should drive 2 hour round trips to you because you are just that awesome and worth it, even though you are the one looking for the hook up.

4. Always (and don’t give an inch on this one) demand face pics. Even though you are on a web site where 98% of the other people looking for NSA are in the closet and would cause them major trouble if found out.

5. Never post a pic of yourself or send one out but always make it clear that if the other people don’t send a pic in the very first response you will ignore them. This again is because of how important you are, even though you are the one looking for sex you should always demand that others reveal themselves first.

6. Always point out that you will not be had by spammers or bots and that no one should try to send you to such sites because you are too smart for that. Even though all those bots and spam are automated and never see your post it doesn’t hurt to show how smart you are and tell the automated systems to not e-mail you.

7. When you do post a pic on your ad always be completely naked except for a hat , that way everyone will think you are young and with it and have hair. Also make sure you suck in your stomach and push out your chest to look like you are in shape, it’s a good idea because everyone else is too stupid to know that is what you are doing.

8. Lie, lie, lie, lie after all it is the internet if you are 50 years old and 230lbs with a 5 inch penis no one will know once they meet you, everyone is blind and takes the internet as truth and will not notice this when meeting you all they will see is a 35 year old that’s 189lbs and got a 9 inch cock.

9. Make sure you post your ad to every single section, even the platonic one,after all heck you don’t know what platonic means why should anyone else.

10. Also always use the word discrete in your ad, but just for fun, throw everyone for a loop by misspelling it like this “discreet”. Then to throw them even further off the trail of how smart you really are, pretend you don’t know the meaning of the word either by demanding face pics.