I was reading a post from a self-proclaimed feminist regarding her take on “Nice Guys”. I don’t have a problem with a woman that doesn’t like nice guys, bad guys or guys at all. I have no problem in someone listing their reasons for not liking a certain “type” of guy. What I have a problem with is when someone treats their (misguided) assumptions as truths and then goes off on a rant as to why they dislike their “made-up” assumptions. It comes across to me as having similarities to racism.
My reasons for feeling this way is that I consider myself a nice guy. Why? Because I am nice….and I am a guy. I try to be nice to everyone. I don’t always succeed in being nice but it is my goal. Now what offends me about this rant is that I find it off-based…actually out and out wrong AND I seem to typically read the same words every time I see “nice guy” and “feminist” in the same sentence.
Her description of nice guy syndrome:
“A male who believes that he is truly nice to a female and therefore deserves sexual and romantic interest from said female. Usually believes all women choose bad boys over the Nice Guys and that “nice guys finish last.” This reeks of entitlement – I am nice to you therefore I deserve to have sex with you.” (1)
As a “nice guy” I have never felt that I “deserved” sexual and romantic interest from a female. I am not nice to gain popularity with anyone…I am nice because I was brought up that way and am hard-wired to think that way.
So let me get this straight:
A “nice guy” feels he deserves sexual interest from a female…
A woman dressed in a provocative manner (can we use the label “slut” here?) feels she deserves no sexual interest from males….
So as to get my point across, I do not believe that the way a woman dresses should have any bearing on how she is perceived or treated…nor should a man that is a “nice guy” be seen as someone that feels he deserves sexual interest from a female…
Now if someone was simply acting the “nice guy” in order to gain sexual interest that is a different story. The old wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing scenario. I would assume that the writer of this post is simply using the label “nice-guy” as a way to generalize a certain group of men…similar to the way that men might generalize a certain group of women with labels. Adding the word syndrome to the end of the label doesn’t cut it either…..
The problem is that the labels used generally have a negative connotation to them…a connotation that feminists typically get up in arms over…and men should do the same when they are mislabeled. However we don’t go around having marches, writing blog posts and getting all upset over name calling…we keep our mouths shut….because it might interfere with sexual interest from females….
Oh…now I get it! She forgot the ™
Feminists and others have criticized many aspects of Nice Guy Syndrome, mostly arguing that in some ways Nice Guys (often now called “Nice Guys™” with a trademark symbol to distinguish them from men who happen to be nice people) are not actually good friends or nice to their interest.
3 comments on “Lock up your daughters…nice guy on the loose”
Misogynist meet misandrist
I have no yet been able to read the link yet because for some reason it will not load and keeps redirecting me, but it is on my list of reads for the day, I am however (for some reason) surprised with your response to her entry… THAT is what will get me to read her blog.
In early 2002, the website Heartless Bitches International (HBI), which “employs irony as a strategy to offer humorous explorations of contemporary gender relations” published several short essays (which they labelled “rants”) on the concept of the Nice Guy™.
Central to the theme of these essays is that a genuinely nice male is desirable, but that many Nice Guys™ are insecure men unwilling to articulate their romantic or sexual feelings directly. Instead they choose to present themselves as their paramour’s friend, and hang around doing nice things for her in hopes that she will pick up on their desire for her. If she fails to read their secret feelings, Nice Guys™ become embittered and blame her for taking advantage of them and their niceness. The essays are particularly critical of what HBI sees as hypocrisy and manipulation on the part of self-professed Nice Guys™.
Is there a chance this young lady, like other have done before her, took a comedy type entry and just rant with it? (I still can not view her blog for some reason lol) A few years ago I remember a particular religious site that was written ironically and some Evangelicals ran with it… only to have the site admin come out and say ‘umm we were being obnoxious’
It could well be…and I as well have taken what she wrote and “made more of it than what it was”. My reason was not to make an honest rebuttal against what she said…rather to highlight the fact that I don’t like those that live and breathe feminism.
If I were ship-wrecked with a feminist and a gay man…I would be building a hut with him. Sure the sex might not be my cup of tea but I could get used to it…listening to her blame everyone and everything around her…but herself…nada