Much ado about nothing

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Even if a man doesn’t realize it, he is obsessed with his penis. He is also rather concerned that about the size of that penis. Most men worry that their member doesn’t measure up. These feelings of inadequacy, whether real or imagined, can significantly impact a man’s sexual performance. There is a myth that women are as obsessed as men are with penis size and a real fear that a gal will tell a guy that his unit isn’t enough for her.

Most women don’t think that way. For them, it’s quality, not quantity that provides satisfaction. Lovemaking is about more than the size of the instrument. In fact, the SIZE OF A MAN’S PENIS HAS ABSOLUTELY  NO RELATION TO SEXUAL PERFORMANCE OR PLEASURE. (Read that part twice if you need to.) Sexual pleasure, and as a relative entity, performance, corresponds to a person’s state of mind, the feelings he/she has for his/her partner and the willingness to attend to the needs of both parties in the interaction.

Here are some facts about the common male penis that might put things into better perspective for you:

1. There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn’t get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).

2. Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimeter. Erections are all about good blood flow, and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So even if you don’t care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the li’l guy.

3. No brain is necessary for ejaculation. That order comes from the spinal cord. Finding a living vessel for said ejaculation, however, takes hours of careful thought and, often, considerable amounts of alcohol.

4. Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters, which would be enough to tarp every Major League infield with human flesh.

5. An enlarged prostate gland can cause both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. If you have an unexplained case of either, your doctor’s looking forward to checking your prostate. Even if you’re not.

6. The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23 seconds. Which means if women were really interested in equality, they’d make sure we have four orgasms for every one of theirs.

7. The oldest known species with a penis is a hard-shelled sea creature called Colymbosathon ecplecticos. That’s Greek for “amazing swimmer with large penis.” Which officially supplants Buck Naked as the best porn name, ever.

8. Circumcised foreskin can be reconstructed. Movable skin on the shaft of the penis is pulled toward the tip and set in place with tape. Later, doctors apply plastic rings, caps, and weights. Years can pass until complete coverage is attained. . . . Okay, we’ll shut up now.

9. Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure. It’s estimated, however, that all 400 have given it their best shot at some point.

10. Are you a grower or a shower: An international Men’s Health survey reports that 79 percent of men have growers, 21 percent have showers.

11. German researchers say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes, 50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes, 30 seconds. Are we that good or that bad?

12. Turns out size does matter: The longer your penis, the better “semen displacement” you’ll achieve when having sex with a woman flush with competing sperm. That’s according to researchers at the State University of New York, who used artificial phalluses (ahem) to test the “scooping” mechanism of the penis’s coronal ridge. Next up: curing cancer.

13. The penis that’s been enjoyed by the most women could be that of King Fatefehi of Tonga, who supposedly deflowered 37,800 women between the years 1770 and 1784 — that’s about seven virgins a day. Go ahead, say it: It’s good to be king.

14. Better-looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers showed women photos of guys who had good, average, and lousy sperm — and told them to pick the handsomest men. The women chose the best sperm producers most often.

15. The most common cause of penile rupture: vigorous masturbation. Some risks are just worth taking.

Research by the editors of Men’s Health Germany

More tidbits:

  • the size of the average penis when erect measures 5.5 – 6.5 inches
  • the size of the average penis when not erect is about 3.5 inches
  • the average girth of the penis (when erect) is 5.7 inches
  • actual amount of semen per ejaculation – 1-2 teaspoons
  • average speed of ejaculation – 28 miles per hour
  • average number of calories in a teaspoon of semen – 7
  • most arousing time of year for a man is autumn (fall)
  • most arousing time of day for a man is early morning
  • penis size is determined by factors beyond your control such as genetics and perhaps cultural factors (and even age).

The best things you can do to improve your sexual function have nothing to do with surgical penile enhancement. Quitting smoking, exercising and losing weight will all help you perform better in the bedroom. If you find an insensitive partner who makes you feel inadequate, ditch him/her. That person is not worth your time or energy.

Remember – if you are overly concerned about your penis size and it impacts your sexual performance, you can always seek out help. A trained mental health professional can provide strategies to assist you.

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