You’re not from around here are you?

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I remember once when I was younger, in my teens, my father stating to me and my brother that he had no problem with us dating anyone but he would PREFER it if we didn’t date “colored” girls or men.

If someone had told me back then that I would find myself in a relationship with a person that had darker skin, a different culture or religion, I would surely have laughed aloud. It simply was not a feasible or possible chapter in MY life.

Fast forward 25 years and I call him on the phone to tell him that I have a new person in my life…and qualify my statement by proclaiming, “Don’t worry dad, I’m not gay.” Turns out that he doesn’t remember ever saying what he said when I was a teenager.

I grew up in a village of less than 1000 people and everyone was white. Of course I would see someone of color on occasion, especially around apple harvest time. Migrant workers they called them. I never actually had contact with a “visible minority” until I moved to the city when I was 17.

I would say that I was “racist” to some degree. The first place that I lived in was an apartment in Scarborough. The occupants in the building represented just about every country, color and background as you could imagine. It didn’t take me too long to determine the various idiosyncrasies of various “groups” and determine that some of their “habits” I found unappealing.

Over time I adapted to my environment and would have to say that in general I am tolerant and get along well with most people, regardless of color or background.

After I was separated from my wife and started dating again, I dated Caucasian women. It wasn’t until I started trying internet dating that I met up with and eventually dated someone “different” than I. I had talked to a woman online for about a month and never asked her about her background. I will say that certain groups will have a specific “slang” or dialect that will typically lead me to believe they are of a specific ethnic origin, but this woman did not. One day the subject of “where we came from” came up and I was surprised to find out that she was from India.

I remember the first time I ever met her, I would have to say that it was the first time I experienced the proverbial, “Love at first sight”. The truth was, although I never gave it a second thought, I found women with darker skin and darker hair to be very attractive. They were in fact “my type” if you will. Once I let myself the freedom to admit this, I was open to a whole new world of possibilities.

I had a three year relationship with the woman from India. That was by far the most endearing relationship I have ever been involved in. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control we were unable to continue the relationship.
I did go out with one last Caucasian woman, almost just to prove once and for all that Caucasian women were not for me. It worked!

I am now with a wonderful woman that is from the Philippines. I would not say that our relationship was as “intense” as the one that I shared with the East Indian woman, but it is very satisfying. I work with Caucasian women and most of my friends have wives that are originally from Canada. I would prefer a Caucasian female friend hands down as we would have greater historical background over which to converse but as far as a relationship goes I would never bother with a Caucasian woman again. there is something in the mix that doesn’t work for me.

I am not specifically talking about color here. I say Caucasian, what I want to say is Canadian or American women, yet that doesn’t quite explain it well either. Any woman of my age, my ethnicity, my cultural background, that was born and raised in North America and possesses a “stereotypical” American attitude…I would never consider dating.

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